After chatting with a friend today about Radical Acceptance, I was intrigued to find out more. I often struggle with accepting my own reality (I’ve gained weight, I was late for an appointment, I made someone angry, I have to go somewhere I don’t want to go) and spend a lot of time fighting it, ignoring it, or being angry over it. I feel like I could really use radical acceptance towards myself and towards others.
For me, radical acceptance would mean facing that I don’t have control over everything, which is something I crave. I need control to feel safe. But the problem is, needing that control has created further anxieties in my life because if I don’t have complete control over a situation and it’s not going as I planned, I either shut down or get angry. I know and see that is not a healthy skill, believe me. Radical acceptance would mean accepting that yeh, maybe we will be late and that kind of sucks, but life happens, right?
I feel like I could also use this to practice self-love and self-care. Allowing myself to mess up, look at the situation as part of a life lesson instead of a failure, and accepting it for what it is instead of beating myself up over it or straight up avoiding it. Applying that to more situations would lead me to feel more okay with my mistakes and allow myself to learn from them instead of resent them.
Learning to practice this towards others would make my friendships less tense. I feel like since I’m pretty shut off from people getting too close that I hold my friendships to a higher standard. Following radical acceptance that people will do and say things I might agree with, but loving them anyway would create such healthier friendships! I could have plans cancelled short notice and not immediately go to “they hate me!”, but instead, say “well that sucks and I’m kind of hurt but hey, things come up” would put me in such a better head space. I’m a creature of habit and negative self-talk is very easy for me, so anything that changes that is welcome.
Accepting my realities means accepting that I’m on a journey and not everything needs to happen right away. Learning to allow my emotions to exists instead of fighting them, learning that weight loss is not a snap of the fingers but LOTS of hard work and practice, learning that some friendships do need to be let go of and that not everyone is around for the long run. Those are all hard things to accept, but what do I gain by avoiding or denying them? I want to be able to say “I might not like this situation, but I’m in it and I’m going to work through it” or “I can’t change this, but that’s okay” and feel like a lighter person!
Thanks for sticking around for all that rambling. Sometimes this is my therapy. Sometimes I need to just word vomit to people. How do you feel about radical acceptance? How would you feel just accepting life as it comes instead of trying to change or avoid hard situations?