the 30’s: if i could turn back time

I feel like people either dread or embrace leaving their 20’s. I know I was a little worried about leaving my 20’s behind and moving into the next age category. Now I know people in their 40’s, 50’s, the 60’s.. whatever.. might read this and say “just wait until..” and to them I say, everyone deals differently with leaving years behind, and I’m sure at one point you also had feelings about aging, so give us a break. We’re all humans trying to make the best of our lives and guilting people about their feelings is totally uncool in 2018!

Anyway, this post is about my transition from my 20’s to my 30’s, which seems like it might be uneventful, but it has been pretty eyeopening. How did you feel about transitioning? Did it feel like anything really changed? Does the age really matter or is it just the natural way of our attitudes and views changing over time?

So far, I feel like my life has gone like this.

Childhood: carefree, a daredevil, did what I wanted to, didn’t really care what people thought of me. I am more this person now, just as an adult.

Pre-teen/teenager: felt as if everyone had an opinion of me, dressed to not fit in but worried about not fitting in, very torn on what kind of social group to hang out with, tried to figure out what was expected of me, tried to appease EVERYONE.

The 20’s: tried to fit in at university, desperate for people to like me, in constant need of validation and attention, worried about sticking out too much, still trying to make everyone happy and agreeing to whatever they wanted at my own expense. I was out partying, staying up late, not doing my school work, and spending more money than I had. Life felt chaotic, unsettled, and sometimes like I was drowning trying to figure it all out.

It looks all negative, but those were a lot of the things I focused on at the time. I really wasn’t my own person. I was trying to be the person everyone liked, tried to agree with everyone and make no one feel uncomfortable or left out, and never putting myself first or stood up for myself. I really wish I could go back in time and tell myself that high school doesn’t matter and that those people who treated you like dirt or used you won’t matter the second you graduate, but I also feel like I learned a lot from those moments and made myself a better person.

Moving into my 30’s, I had the unrealistic expectation that everything would settle down. That suddenly I would understand equity and my finances, and be able to do my taxes. I can’t do any of those things, and luckily there are people who do that help me out. Being 30 didn’t suddenly mean I was an adult because that’s a lie. Adults are mythical creatures. Or maybe just the idea that adults have it all together and know what they’re doing is a myth. Does anyone have it figured out?

My 30’s have only been going on for a year and a few days, but I already feel more at ease with myself. I feel like in my 20’s I was trying to figure out who I wanted to be and pushing myself into these boxes or stitching a person together from bits I liked of other people, and that’s just not healthy. I am now more secure in who I am, I am more mature, more responsible, better able to handle situations (not ALL the time, but more so than before), and I feel like I’m my own person. I can stand up for myself, tell people I don’t agree with them in a polite way, have my own opinions, share my hobbies freely, and just be my awkward self. I hid that part of myself for so long that I forgot it existed, but being a bit awkward and weird makes me who I am, and people actually seem to like it!

If you’re interested in knowing more about me, here’s some stuff I can think of off the top of my head:

  • I used to play Magic: The Gathering and still own a lot of my old decks, and I played Dungeons & Dragons and LOVED it. I have a nerdy side that adores these things.
  • I play video games, but I’m very picky about what I dedicate my time to. Dragon Age and Skyrim are my go-to games.
  • I grew up in a racing family and spent a lot of my childhood at the race track, which is something I still love doing.
  • I’m shy beyond belief with certain people and can be extremely quiet! But once I get comfortable, I don’t shut up. It also takes a lot out of me to be around large groups so I limit myself.
  • I own more books than I should, but reading is my escape when I need it and I have a serious problem with going to bookstores and leaving with a new bag of books.
  • I love sitting around and just chatting one-on-one with people. I try to convince myself I like going out, but I really just like a comfy couch and conversation.
  • I went to school for 20 years (primary to 12, 5 years of university, and 2 years of college) and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

That’s pretty much it. That’s me at 31. A bit more secure, less worried about what people think, still singing Backstreet Boys songs, and not forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do. It may have nothing to do with being in my 30’s, it may just be this is the natural progression of my life, and that things that mattered before matter less now because I’m adapting. Maybe some people have that figured out by 25. I don’t know. This is my journey, and instead of stressing over what people think, I’m just going to plan adventures and happily be who I am now. Maybe in my 40’s I’ll be doing my taxes (and will have my student loans paid off!).


2 thoughts on “the 30’s: if i could turn back time

  1. Katie Lee says:

    This was great! Very relatable. Especially being awkward and weird and hoping to hid it. For me, I don’t think I’m that nervous about 30. I don’t know how to to do my taxes or anything fancy like that, but I have been working on self-growth and domestic skills. I think if you allow yourself to grow, aging isn’t all that scary. But I could be wrong!

    I loved the post! Keep us #posted

    Get it?


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