Hey friends! I’ve been so busy this week that I haven’t had time to write. I know, what a travesty. I haven’t really been anywhere this week to write about. Between work, house renovations, and a scattered social life, it’s been hard to sit down for five minutes, but I wanted to write about this because it’s close to my heart! Literally. It’s about my body.
If you’ve known me since I was a teenager, you probably remember that I was fairly tiny. I weighed 98 pounds at my lightest (around 14-15 years old) due to living off of Mr. Noodles and Pizza Pockets. I had terribly low self-esteem, and thought “being thin means being beautiful”. The things you tell yourself when there are so many other things about you that are wonderful. But I digress. I remained in the low 100 range until grade 12 when the crap food I had been eating caught up and I gained a fair bit of weight. With terrible eating habits formed, starting university, and not knowing how to take care of myself, it was a struggle, to say the least.
I did not grow up liking vegetables or fruit, so it really has taken from the age of 19 to 30 to figure it out. Trial and error, losing and gaining, workouts and gym memberships, diets and binging. It has really been a rough 11 years of work. I have given up, I have pushed myself, I have set goals, but honestly, I have a terrible habit of becoming bored easily with a diet or workout, so nothing has ever stuck. I’d lose 20 pounds and then gain it back throughout the year. It was frustrating and I really started to hate my body all over again.
Last year, I started noticing women who looked more like me in magazines, on tv, posting on Instagram, and I finally started to appreciate myself. I get comments a lot that I’m very confident in my body (fake it until you make it?) and that is mostly true. I do wear shorts, dresses, bikinis, whatever, and I do it happily but that doesn’t mean I never feel self-conscious. I don’t always love my body. It has cellulite, stretch marks, and scars. But hey, it’s my body and it’s the only one I have.
I know that I’m still not at a “healthy weight” but in the past year, I have focused on small changes. I don’t starve myself, I don’t deprive myself, and I don’t allow myself to binge anymore. It started with adding more vegetables to suppers, reducing sugar intake, limiting treats, and meal planning, and it has really changed my life. Becoming vegetarian was actually a natural transition for me because I just did not enjoy eating meat. It wasn’t a moral choice, although I do feel better about not killing things to eat. It just kind of happened. It’s helped me push myself to eat better, try new things, and adapt to my new eating habits, and it was majorly contributed to my weight loss (18 pounds so far!).
In the end, we all struggle with our bodies. There’s always something we want to change. It’s remembering that this body is yours and it will treat you how you treat it. I will never be 98 pounds again, and that’s fine. I’d settle for 160. But I have a long way to go, and more trial and error, I’m sure. I try to gently remind myself that my jean size does not determine my worth as a human being, but that I do want to be healthy and push myself to reach goals. Since I’ve taken on this mindset, it’s been much easier to lose weight because I’m not stressing or self-sabotaging. I am more confident and comfortable in my skin now than I was when I was skin and bone, but that was a long journey, and one I’m still on.
Thanks for sticking with me! I just wanted anyone who is struggling to know that not every diet works for everyone and that you need to find what works for YOU! Surround yourself with people who challenge and support you, make small goals (mine right now is to reach 11,000 steps a day), and MEAL PLAN! But love yourself every step of the way.
Being healthy is more important than starving yourself to fit into a size 00 and after learning from personal experience, being size 00 does not necessarily mean you’re healthy. That is not to say that people wearing a 00 are unhealthy, but it’s not a size everyone can safely exist at. We all have different bodies that sit at different weights. Fat is held in different areas and clothes don’t always fit everyone the same, so don’t fret over it. Wear what flatters you and what you’re comfortable in.
You are beautiful at the size you feel beautiful! Or handsome. Not leaving the men out of this one, because they struggle just like we do. We can’t all look like Chris Evans or ScarJo.
All the love in the world to my friends struggling with this. I am a text away!